Is it just me, or has this been a strange and challenging summer for everyone?!
This summer shook up everything – work, health, relationships – and forced to me look at everything that isn’t working.
Did you feel this too?
Little did I know until just a couple weeks ago, this summer was super intense energetically and astrologically speaking (google ‘2019 eclipse season’ for more info on the mechanics of what went on this summer)– but we’re on the other side of it now, and perhaps feeling like an entirely new person – or beginning to.
I felt comforted when I started to get wind that others were going through similar feelings and challenges this summer – especially because I had described to my husband that this summer felt like every day I started at the bottom of a hole and had to climb out of the hole. Every day. An intense energetic and emotional void!
Every morning waking up and taking stock – do I still have a cold? Yes, excellent. Do I still lack certain basic business skills but have to go out there and make my way through the dark anyways? Yes, of course. Am I face to face with my own self-worth again? Ok perfect – let’s go back to bed.
And then unskillfully judging myself I felt worse for feeling that way AS a wellness coach. What a vicious cycle. I never get sick anymore, so this shouldn’t be happening. I own my own business, so I should know how to run it. Notice the “should” statements – having expectations for what we think “should” be happening is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster!
Even I forget sometimes that life is usually just trying to teach us something we need to learn, push us somewhere we need to go.
The Trouble with YEAR 2
On May 29th, just before the summer began, I celebrated the 1-year anniversary of Moondance Wellness Coaching – and happened to leave that same day for a last-minute getaway to the beaches of Florida with the hubs. The vacation felt wonderful, and much-needed.
Sometimes we reach that point where we’re pushing too hard – work projects, home projects, general existence – that we just need a good, solid, forced letting-go. It was an excellent reset and I looked forward to coming home and embracing the start of my business YEAR 2.
And that’s where the trouble started.
For all of Year 1 I had given myself so much grace and space to let things unfold in their own way, to allow myself to try things without expectation of results, to forgive myself for not knowing everything when it comes to running a business, to tell myself – I’m still just learning, so it’s totally ok how this is unfolding now because I know it will be better or different in the future!
But on June 7th I stepped off the plane from Florida back into my life in Minnesota – and into the shiny future of YEAR 2 – and all I could feel and think was F*CK.
I was in that future and suddenly realized that I still didn’t know everything, had no solid plan, and just to verify everything back to me – had no clients. I felt like, do you really have a business if you don’t have any clients?? (And, apparently, no plan?). So YEAR 2 was off to a great start.
In addition to this I started to question my own personal growth. I thought I had started my business off the heels of an intense period of personal growth, ready to share my skills and insights with the world. Personal growth journey – done, check!
What I came to realize was that I was, in fact, at the beginning of another round. Not done. And, of course, we’re never truly done growing as there’s always something new to learn.
If starting a business as a solopreneur marked the end of one life-changing and transformational journey of personal growth, it also marked the beginning of what I’m sure will prove to be another life-changing and transformational journey of personal growth.
Because you can’t hide from yourself or your weaknesses forever. Especially if you’re taking steps outside of your comfort zone, which try as you might NOT, life will make sure that you do.
And you can try staying in bed all day – which I considered – but then you’re just lying there in bed with yourself and your weaknesses. Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction, even wrote a book called, Everywhere You Go, There You Are. He knew.
Day after day being face to face with your weak spots is – well, not pleasant. While my previous journey of personal growth took me to greater depths than ever before, this current journey seems promising to do the same. See there, I intentionally used the word promising instead of threatening…mindset shifts!
Just yesterday I heard an astrologer describe the energy of this summer as cave-like, a “void of the unknown.” I definitely felt that I was making acquaintance with the darkness of the cave, scraping at the bottom in order to unearth whatever was there to better deal with it.
Transformation – Or, There’s Always Room To Grow
From what I’ve heard again and again, that was the point of the energy of this summer – to force us to let go of what is no longer working for us – systems, beliefs, ideas – and to transport us into a full-on transformation.
I now know I’ve got personal development work to do – there are actual skill sets that I need to learn. And I know I’ve got personal growth work to do – there are deeply held beliefs and feelings that I need to examine. The good news is that I have a plan – August rolled in with its positive energy on the other side of the void, and things started to flow.
The summer cold I had for weeks on end finally started to ease up, and the lack of inspiration I was feeling for the earlier part of the summer gave way to full on creative inspiration.
I suddenly was meeting the people I needed to meet to learn about the skills I needed to learn, and – even more astonishingly – found that I was excited about the whole thing. Whereas in the past I dragged my feet and lamented about the things I didn’t want to do because I didn’t understand how to do them, I now find myself energized to learn, implement, and generally develop myself in new areas.
And where I previously had a vague idea of some of the additional personal growth work I needed to do to move forward, I now feel clear about what – and maybe even how – to do it.
It always feels good to have a plan.
Amazing the difference a summer-long energetic void makes.
What was your experience this summer? Was it anything like mine??
What a helpful baring of the soul! Thank you for being so real in all your blog posts. Sometimes all I need to feel better is to know I am not alone and this post hit me hard. Thank you!
Hey Anna! Thank YOU for sharing and for your kind words 🙂 I totally agree, that not feeling alone = feeling better. So glad to hear this post had that effect for you! <3